


As I Want

by Arenoptara



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Balcony Scene, Comfort, M/M, Smoking, Strong Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:07:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24201808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arenoptara/pseuds/Arenoptara
Summary: Jason didn't expect his three-week stint with the Batfam stopping Scarecrow to end with a fear-gassed Tim in his arms, but he especially didn't expect Tim to stay with him instead of at the manor afterwards. But he'll do what he can to help Tim because dammit, he might be feeling something.
Relationships: Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Tim Drake/Jason Todd
Comments: 9
Kudos: 255





	As I Want

The two of them sit on the edge of the balcony, passing a cigarette between each other. The glittering city breathes easy tonight under the full moon. Either the criminals had a shitty Tuesday too, or they’re all attending some kind of criminal convention. Jason’s just glad for the breather. Teaming up with the entire Batfamily to deal with Scarecrow the past few weeks definitely did some permanent damage, and he knows Tim won’t be able to shake the things he saw and felt from the fear gas for a while. Hell, that’s the only reason Jason’s letting him share a smoke with him right now. Tim had asked for his own, but compromised to split one.

Everyone else is at Wayne Manor. Jason definitely needed some time away from them after cozying up for three solid weeks. But Tim? Jason doesn’t know what his reasons are, and honestly he doesn’t _need_ to know. And he definitely couldn’t refuse Tim’s request to tag along with Jason instead.

When Tim first took hold of the cigarette, his hands shook, but now when Jason looks at them they’re still. The nicotine’s helping, at least, as unsatisfactory a solution it is to Jason. At the start, Jason only smoked maybe once a month, depending on how rough a night he’d had. But as the days went on that number increased. He doesn’t want Tim to follow in his footsteps.

Maybe it’s time to give them up for good, find other ways of dealing with . . . everything. Jason’s strong, but he doesn’t know if he’s strong enough for that. Not alone, at least.

“Hey,” he says and reaches out a hand. Tim’s broken the rules, taken two drags on his turn, but he’s not thinking clearly and Jason’s too busy actually thinking to have noticed.

Tim passes the cigarette and brings his legs up onto the ledge instead. He folds his arms and rests them on his knees as he gazes out over the cityscape with mostly vacant eyes.

Jason looks at him for a long moment, watching how the breeze ruffles his hair, how the locks flutter around his blue eyes that reflect the city lights, before finally taking a drag and smashing the rest of the cigarette into the cement ledge behind him. He brings one of his legs up too, rests an arm on it.

He remembers being woken from his nightmares last night, the ones he wishes he could say he’s just _used to_ by now, by Tim’s own. Lazarus Pit, fear toxinㅡthey’re not the last or the first things that will fuck with them until they die. Or even after, if they’re as lucky in death as they are in lifeㅡor lives, in Jason’s case. He doesn’t want to find out if the third time’s the charm.

Jason wants . . .

_What do I want?_

He has an inkling, as he stares at Tim. What’s the point of anything if he’s alone? He tried so hard to push everyone away, because anger, because _he doesn’t even know_. Three weeks with the Batfam was exhausting, taking down Scarecrow and his cronies aside. But Tim, Jason likes spending time with Tim. Once, he was just bearable, and now he’s much more than that to Jason. Tim must feel the same way if he chose Jason over Bruce and the others.

_Right?_

Funny how things work out.

“Tim.”

Tim’s vacant expression lifts and his eyes swivel over to Jason. From this angle there’s fewer city lights, more blue. Tim doesn’t say anything, but Jason knows he’s got all of his attention.

“You can stay,” Jason says. “As long as you need.”

Tim's brows furrow the tiniest bit, and he sounds _annoyed_ when he says, “As I need?”

Jason blinks. In a long, drawn-out way he says, “Yeah?”

Tim lifts his head. “At the end there . . . was I hallucinating, or were you holding me in your arms?”

“Uh, yeah.” Jason smiles a little. “Yeah, that was real. And no one else was there to see just how romantic that shit was. Guess I’ll continue to be the heartless, sarcastic asshole. Which is mostly accurate, I guess.”

That elicits a smile from Tim, but he looks off at the city again and Jason wonders if it’s a trick of the light that Tim’s cheeks are a little pinker than they were mere seconds ago.

Tim's voice gets quietㅡwell, quieter than it’s already been. And he’s still looking out at Gotham when he says, “I can stay as long as I need. What about as long as I want?”

Jason thinks he knows what Tim means, but also he doesn’t want to look like an idiot if he’s wrong. So he treads carefully. “Looking for a change of scenery? I get it; that manor gets pretty dull and suffocating after a while. But this place doesn’t have an Alfred, it just has _me_ , so it might actually be a downgrade.”

One of Tim’s legs unbends a little, until the toe of his boot touches Jason’s. “Yes or no?”

“Well, I don’t know,” Jason says, “at some point you gotta help with rent. It’s not too cheap; you think you can afford it?” 

He nudges Tim’s boot. “I mean, these pieces of shit must be ancient and you haven’t bought new ones.”

“I like them.”

Jason smiles and looks away from Tim, searching for anything as fascinating as the brunet. Nope, nothing comes even close, so he settles for the moon. “I only have the couch.”

“That’s fine.”

It comes out before he can stop himself: “It’s too easy to roll off of when the nightmares hit, so I’d say it’s not fine.”

Tim cringes, and Jason curses himself. He didn’t want to bring up the nightmares thing at all, just let Tim broach the topic if he ever felt like it. And now here he is, fucking up and putting Tim’s mind back on what they came out here to smoke away for an hour.

But Tim only says, “Then I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“You’re nㅡ” Jason sighs. “You’re not sleeping on the goddamned floor.”

“Well, I’m not gonna sleep in the bathtub,” Tim says, “and after the floor, that’s really the only option left, isn’t it?”

No, it’s not.

Jason and Tim lock eyes, and Jason’s the first to look away. Not from cowardice or anything, but because looking in Tim’s eyes is so easy, and he’s so close to falling that even a few seconds more might tip him over the edge. And he’s still not _entirely sure_ how Tim feels.

“We’ve bled together, haven’t we?” Jason asks. “Just sleep in my room. The mattress is huge.” It’s so hard not to look at Tim, to see his reaction.

And because Tim’s tone reveals nothing at all when he asks, “So is that a yes?”

This time Jason kicks his toe. “I wasn’t ever planning on saying no.”

The sound of Tim moving has Jason’s eyes back on him. Tim’s lowered his feet onto the balcony, and he sits there like any second he’s about to stand, but he doesn’t. He hangs his head,, and his nails dig into the concrete.

“Thanks,” he says.

He looks like he needs another cigarette, but Jason wants to find a different way to help. Not that he knows himself, or else he’d be doing it. But maybe, just maybe, if they’re doing it togetherㅡtwo fucked-up, but smart ex-Robinsㅡthey’ll find that magic something.

And he wants to tell Tim that, but he doesn’t know how right now. Instead, Jason just moves his legs inside the balcony and slides next to him. “I’m glad I got to you in time.”

“Glad, huh?” This time Tim can’t hide the smile in his voice.

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Jason says, in mock offense.

Tim lifts his head, but only to stare into the apartment. “What if it had been Damian?”

“Relieved. Hellspawn or not, he’s still just a kid.”

Jason rests his leg against Tim’s. That gets Red Robin’s attention, and he looks back at Jason with such a fierce softness that Jason feels himself finally falling over the edge. Hell, why did he have to fall for Tim Drake? And why does he want so badly to just lean down and kiss him as if it’s no big deal? He’s not _going_ to, of course, becauseㅡ

_Oh, fuck it._

He leans down, slowly so Tim has time to process what he’s doing, and then he pauses right before their lips touch. It’s just a second, but when Tim doesn’t flinch away, doesn’t tense upㅡlike Jason’s gotten so good at noticing when Tim’s uncomfortableㅡJason lets the space between them disappear.

It’s short, and Jason pulls away as if it was no big deal even though he feels warmer than he has since . . . Well, he doesn’t actually know when. It’s not the same feeling he got that first night with Kori, the only person he’s had any real meaningful connection with before now. All he knows is that he wants more of it.

Tim’s whole face lights up. And before Jason can say anything, Tim grabs Jason’s collar and pulls him back down for more. This time Jason tastes the tobacco in Tim’s mouth, and it shocks his system. Next thing he knows, both of his hands have cradled the sides of Tim’s head, his fingers curled into the dark locks.

And when they break the kiss, Jason keeps his hands there, his thumb brushing over Tim’s temple, over the bruise there. Tim’s pupils are huge, and his fingers clutch Jason’s shirt tighter as he smiles gently up at him. Jason returns the smile, the kind that looks like he’s hiding a secret and he can’t wait to spill it.

When he lowers his hand, he lets one of them drag along Tim’s jawline. And then he lightly elbows him. “I’m, uh, gonna get some half-decent shuteye. You coming?”

“Like I’m going to say no.”

Jason can’t help the little grin. “After you, then, Babybird."


End file.
